PART 1: I Couldn’t Control Him—But I Ignored What I Could Control

“He Gives Me Butterflies.”

I spent years believing that if I loved harder, gave more, and proved myself enough, a man would eventually choose me.

I told myself I was patient. Understanding. Loyal.

What I didn’t want to admit was that I was bargaining.

💡 Teaching Moment: Loving harder doesn’t make someone committed. Proof comes from actions, not promises. Your energy is valuable—invest it where it’s respected and reciprocated.

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Ignoring What I Could Control

I couldn’t control him or his choices—but I could have controlled myself. And I didn’t.

I gave access to someone who had not given me commitment. I gave loyalty to someone who only offered promises. And when those promises didn’t materialize, I didn’t walk away—I tried harder.

💡 Teaching Moment: You can’t control others—but you can control your boundaries, your decisions, and your self-respect. Protecting yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

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Why He Called Me Controlling

That’s when I started being called controlling.

Not because I wanted too much, but because I was asking for something he never intended to give. I was demanding clarity from someone who was comfortable in confusion. I was asking for commitment after I had already given myself completely.

He wasn’t confused.

I was.

Yes, I was manipulated. Yes, words were said. And yes, that matters. But it doesn’t erase the fact that I ignored patterns I didn’t want to face. I chose potential over proof. I listened to what he said instead of what he did.

💡 Teaching Moment: Being labeled “controlling” is often a sign you’re advocating for yourself. The lesson is to recognize the difference between healthy boundaries and trying to force someone to meet your needs.

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Falling in Love With a Fantasy

I wasn’t in love with him—I was in love with the idea of him. The fantasy. The version he sold me and never became.

And part of why the fantasy felt so real? My impatience to marry. The words he spoke were exactly what I wanted to hear, so I believed them—not because they were true, but because they fed the hope I had been craving.

💡 Teaching Moment: Fantasies feel real because they reflect our desires, not reality. Pay attention to actions, not words, and ask yourself if you’re in love with a person—or just the idea of what you wish they could be.

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The Cost of Staying

For years, I stayed in a situation that kept me emotionally suspended. Loving someone who said the right things but never showed up the right way. And the longer I stayed, the more it cost me—my peace, my confidence, my ability to trust my own judgment.

The most painful part wasn’t that he wouldn’t choose me.

It was that I kept choosing him.

That was the moment my eyes opened. Not because he changed—but because I finally stopped lying to myself.

💡 Teaching Moment: Walking away isn’t failure—it’s a lesson in valuing yourself. The cost of staying in an unhealthy pattern is higher than the fear of being alone.

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Self-Control Would Have Saved Me

Self-control would have saved me years of confusion.

The first time a man doesn’t honor his word, that’s on him.

Every time you stay after that, it becomes a decision.

I can’t control how anyone treats me.

But I am responsible for who I allow access to me.

That realization didn’t shame me—it freed me.

And freedom started when I walked away.

💡 Teaching Moment: Choosing yourself is the first step to freedom, peace, and healthier relationships.