Maybe It Wasn’t Wasted After All

I walked into this school year expecting to continue in my same role as an ELA teacher.

Instead, God had something else in mind.

To my surprise, I was asked to step into a new role as a Reading Interventionist. I didn’t need much time to think about it. I instantly said yes to the task.

I had no idea that just one week into this new role, I would feel like I had stepped directly into purpose.

Working with students individually and in small groups has been such a rewarding experience. I’m helping students strengthen their reading skills, improve their comprehension, and build confidence in areas where they may have struggled. And what I’ve discovered is that I genuinely love it.

I love my job.

I love what I do.

But there’s something even deeper happening for me in this season.

At my new church, I recently enrolled in a Fresh Start class where we’re learning about our spiritual gifts. We’re talking about the ways God has uniquely equipped each of us to serve and impact others. Teaching and writing are part of my gifts, and of course, singing has always been a part of my life as well.

We’re also learning about our personalities, and I discovered that I’m more of a Golden Retriever and Melancholy type. That combination made so much sense to me because I naturally enjoy connecting with people, but I also tend to be thoughtful, intentional, and observant.

And one thing I know about myself is that I love small groups.

I’ve always believed that small groups can be more effective because they create space for people who might otherwise get lost in the crowd.

Some students don’t need less attention. They need a different environment in which to receive it.

Some children are capable of so much more than what their current performance shows. They simply need someone to slow down, meet them where they are, and help bridge the gap between where they are and where they want to be.

That’s what this role allows me to do.

I’m not simply helping students read.

I’m helping bridge learning gaps for students who want to become better.

And the beautiful part is that my students love learning.

That has been one of the greatest joys of this first week.

But as I stood in this new role, I couldn’t help but think about something I started almost 20 years ago.

And that’s when I realized this story didn’t begin here.

The Seed Was Planted Long Before I Could See It

About 20 years ago, during the 10th year of my marriage, I was a stay-at-home mom and wife with no degree. I completely relied on my then-husband, but there was a fire in me for young people.

I wanted to reach young girls, teenage girls, and young adult women in a meaningful way.

So I started a nonprofit organization centered around books, mentorship, healing, faith, and character.

I created a book club where we met with young girls and teen girls on weekends and young adult women during the week. We read books, particularly books centered around women, faith, and healing, and then gathered to discuss what we were reading.

But the books were really only the beginning.

They opened the door to conversations.

They created opportunities for the young women to talk about things they were experiencing, things they were struggling with, and things they needed healing from.

I didn’t have a degree in social work.

I wasn’t an educator.

I didn’t have formal training in nonprofit management.

Honestly, I didn’t really know what I was doing.

I just knew I had a passion.

At the time, I was also a singer in the church. But I began to feel that standing on a stage wasn’t enough for me.

I wanted to reach people beyond the music.

I wanted to sit with people.

Talk with them.

Encourage them.

Help them.

I wanted to do more than sing about the love of God. I wanted my life to reflect it.

I especially wanted to encourage women to pursue lives of character and integrity.

And I believed then, as I do now, that God’s grace should never become an excuse to live however we want.

Grace gives us room to grow, but it should also inspire us to pursue righteousness, accountability, love, kindness, patience, and the character of Christ.

I wasn’t perfect then, and I’m certainly not perfect now.

I’ve made mistakes. I’ve made decisions I’m not proud of. But I believe there is a difference between receiving God’s grace and abusing God’s grace.

Grace isn’t permission to stop growing.

It is an invitation to grow.

I Gave Everything I Had

I poured everything into that nonprofit.

I built the website.

I wrote grants.

I planned programs.

I organized retreats.

I partnered with churches.

I invested my own money.

Although I had a 501(c)(3), I never received a grant to fund the organization.

There was no blueprint. There was no formal training. I was learning as I went.

The young women who partnered with me helped make things happen. Churches opened their doors. We held retreats and gatherings where young girls and women could come together, read, talk, laugh, cry, and share pieces of their lives.

Looking back, I realize how passionate I was.

Maybe too passionate at times.

I wanted to see the organization succeed so badly that there were times when I barely ate or slept. I was building websites, writing grants, planning programs, and trying to figure out how to make this vision become a reality.

I wanted to reach more girls.

I wanted to make a difference.

I wanted to see the thing God had placed in my heart become something bigger than me.

But sometimes passion needs balance.

One of the complaints during my 10th year of marriage was how much time and energy I poured into the organization because my ten husband did not want a wife who works. Looking back, I can acknowledge that I wasn’t as balanced as I should have been but I knew God had more of a purpose on my life than just being someone l’s wife.

And then after 14 years, my marriage ended.

What I Thought Was the End

My divorce changed the trajectory of my life.

The nonprofit never became what I envisioned it would become. I never received the grants I had hoped for, and after my divorce, I never returned to building the organization in the same way.

For a while, it would have been easy to look back and think, What was all of that for?

I had poured my time, energy, money, and heart into something.

And then it stopped.

But maybe it didn’t stop.

Maybe it changed form.

After my divorce, I went back to school.

I earned my bachelor’s degree in English with a minor in Psychology. I became an ELA teacher. I’m now in my fifth year of teaching and continuing my education as I work toward my master’s degree.

And now I’m a Reading Interventionist.

Do you see the connection?

The woman who once created a book club for young girls and women is now working with students to strengthen their reading skills.

The woman who once created spaces where young people could read, talk, heal, and grow is now creating spaces where students can learn, ask questions, build confidence, and grow academically.

The passion was still there.

It just had a new place to live.

Maybe It Wasn’t Wasted After All

I feel like I’m on purpose.

I don’t believe this is the fullness of my purpose, but I absolutely believe I’m on the right path.

And that realization has caused me to look at my past differently.

The nonprofit wasn’t wasted.

The years I spent reading books with young girls weren’t wasted.

The retreats weren’t wasted.

The money I invested wasn’t wasted.

The sleepless nights weren’t wasted.

The grants I wrote that never got funded weren’t wasted.

Even the disappointment wasn’t wasted.

It was seed.

At the time, I didn’t know what that seed would become.

I just knew I had a fire in me.

And maybe that’s how God works sometimes.

He gives us a passion before He gives us the full picture.

He gives us a burden before He shows us the assignment.

He gives us a desire before we understand how that desire will eventually be used.

Have you ever looked back at something you did years ago and suddenly realized it was preparing you for something you’re doing today?

Sometimes we are so focused on the fact that something didn’t become what we thought it would become that we fail to recognize what it taught us.

Let God Lead You

That’s why I want to encourage somebody who may be in a season of uncertainty.

Don’t despise the thing God placed in your heart just because you can’t see where it’s going.

You don’t always get the entire blueprint.

Sometimes you only get the next step.

Take it.

Sometimes what feels like a detour is actually preparation.

Sometimes what feels like an ending is actually a transition.

Sometimes you won’t understand why you had to walk through something until years later when you look back and realize:

God was preparing me the whole time.

I recently had someone slide into my DM’s offering me an opportunity that paid more.

And I truly believe God led me in that decision.

We have to stop making every decision based solely on money.

Money matters. Of course it does.

But fulfillment matters.

Purpose matters.

Peace matters.

Obedience matters.

There is something different about waking up and knowing that what you’re doing is connected to something bigger than a paycheck.

When God leads you, you may discover that what He gives you is more fulfilling than anything money could ever buy.

Looking at My Divorce Differently

I also look at my divorce differently today.

For years, I could have looked at it as the thing that destroyed the life I thought I was going to have.

But today, I can see how God used that season to reposition me, grow me, and prepare me for the woman I was becoming.

That doesn’t mean everything that happened was easy.

It doesn’t mean I would have chosen that path for myself.

But I’ve learned that God can take circumstances we never would have chosen and still use them to accomplish something meaningful in our lives.

What I thought was the end of one chapter became the beginning of another.

And I don’t know exactly what the next chapter will look like.

Perhaps one day God will bring me a man who is walking the same path—someone who wants to make a difference, impact lives, and serve God with purpose.

But right now, I’m grateful for where I am.

I’m Grateful for the Seed

I’m grateful for the woman I was 20 years ago.

I’m grateful for the fire she had.

I’m grateful that she didn’t give up.

I’m grateful for every lesson.

I’m grateful for every closed door.

I’m grateful for every redirection.

And I’m especially grateful that the passion I once thought was unfinished was actually seed.

Today, I’m watching some of that seed grow.

When you see these photos of me working with my students, you’re not just seeing me doing my job.

You’re seeing a dream that started almost 20 years ago showing up in a completely different form.

You’re seeing the continuation of something I thought had ended.

You’re seeing evidence that God can take something you started in one season and use it in another.

Maybe that’s what some of us need to hear.

The thing you started years ago may not have failed.

The dream may not have died.

The door closing may not have meant the end.

Maybe God was simply preparing that seed for another season.

So don’t underestimate what God can do with a passion He placed inside of you years ago.

You may not understand the path while you’re walking it.

Keep walking.

Keep learning.

Keep serving.

Keep trusting.

God is Jehovah Jireh—He is your provider.

You may think you’re starting something that will never amount to anything.

You may think a dream has died.

You may think a door closing means the opportunity is over.

But sometimes, God is simply taking the seed you planted in one season and preparing it to bloom in another.

I couldn’t see it then.

I can see it now.

The seed was never wasted.

God was preparing me all along.

And honestly?

I couldn’t have written this story better myself.