Maybe It Wasn’t Wasted After All

I am so excited about my new role as a Reading Interventionist. This past week has been such a rewarding experience. Working with students individually and in small groups, helping them strengthen their reading and comprehension skills, has reminded me just how much I love working with young people. I love my job. I love what I do.

But there was something else happening as I worked with my students this week. I kept thinking about something I started almost 20 years ago—long before I had a degree, long before I became a teacher, and long before I could have imagined myself doing the work I am doing today.

And suddenly, I saw the connection.

What I thought was simply a passion I had back then may have actually been God preparing me for where I am now.

So I want to go back—not because I want to live in the past, but because sometimes you have to look back to recognize the hand of God in your story.

The Seed Was Planted

About 20 years ago, during the 10th year of my marriage, I was a stay-at-home mom and wife with no degree. I completely relied on my then-husband, but there was a fire in me for young people.

I started a nonprofit organization focused on reaching young girls, teenage girls, and young adult women through books, mentorship, healing, faith, and conversations about character.

I created a book club where we met with young girls and teen girls on weekends and young adult women during the week. We read books, particularly books centered around women, faith, and healing, and then gathered to discuss what we were reading.

Those books opened the door to conversations about things many of the young women were experiencing and needed healing from.

At the time, I didn’t have a degree in social work. I wasn’t an educator. I didn’t have formal training in nonprofit management. Honestly, I didn’t really know what I was doing.

I just knew I had a passion.

As a singer in the church, I began feeling that standing on a stage wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to reach people beyond the music. I wanted to sit with people, talk with them, encourage them, and help them.

I especially wanted to encourage women to pursue lives of character and integrity.

I wasn’t perfect then, and I certainly don’t claim to be perfect now. I’ve made mistakes and done things I’m not proud of. But I believed—and still believe—that God’s grace should never become an excuse to live however we want.

Grace gives us room to grow, but it should also inspire us to pursue righteousness, accountability, love, kindness, patience, and the character of Christ.

I Gave Everything I Had

I poured everything into that nonprofit.

I built the website. I wrote grants. I planned programs. I organized retreats. I partnered with churches. I invested my own money because, although I had a 501(c)(3), I never received a grant to fund the organization.

I was figuring it out as I went. There was no formal training or blueprint. I simply had a vision and a willingness to work.

The young women who partnered with me helped make things happen. Churches opened their doors. We held retreats and gatherings, and I watched young girls and women come together, read, talk, laugh, cry, and share pieces of their lives.

I was passionate about the work.

Maybe too passionate at times.

One of the complaints during my divorce was how much time and energy I poured into the organization. Looking back, I can acknowledge that I wasn’t as balanced as I should have been.

There were times when I barely ate or slept because I was so consumed with building something I believed in.

I wanted to see it succeed.

I wanted to reach more girls.

I wanted to make a difference.

And then my marriage ended.

What Looked Like an Ending

My divorce changed the trajectory of my life.

For a long time, I could have looked at that season and thought that everything I had been building had been wasted.

The nonprofit never became what I envisioned it would become. I never received the grants I had hoped for. After my divorce, I never returned to building it in the same way.

But today, I see that season differently.

After my divorce, I went back to school.

I earned my bachelor’s degree in English with a minor in Psychology. I became an ELA teacher. I’m now in my fifth year of teaching and continuing my education as I work toward my master’s degree.

And then God gave me a new role.

Reading Interventionist.

The thing I was doing almost 20 years ago—working with young people, encouraging them through books, creating spaces for them to read, talk, heal, and grow—is now showing up in my professional life.

Except now, I have the education, experience, and training to do it on an even deeper level.

I’m working with boys and girls.

I’m helping students learn to read.

I’m helping them comprehend what they read.

I’m working with them individually and in small groups.

I’m pouring into young people.

And it is one of the most rewarding things I have ever experienced.

Maybe It Wasn’t Wasted After All

I feel like I’m on purpose.

I don’t believe this is the fullness of my purpose, but I absolutely believe I’m on the right path.

And that realization has caused me to look at my past differently.

The nonprofit wasn’t wasted.

The years I spent reading books with young girls weren’t wasted.

The retreats weren’t wasted.

The money I invested wasn’t wasted.

The sleepless nights weren’t wasted.

The grants I wrote that never got funded weren’t wasted.

Even the disappointment wasn’t wasted.

It was seed.

At the time, I didn’t know what that seed would become.

I just knew I had a fire in me.

And sometimes that’s all God gives you in the beginning—a passion, a burden, a desire, a vision.

You don’t always get the entire blueprint.

You just get the next step.

Let God Lead You

That’s why I want to encourage somebody.

Don’t despise the thing God placed in your heart just because you can’t see where it’s going.

Sometimes what feels like a detour is actually preparation.

Sometimes what feels like an ending is actually a transition.

Sometimes you won’t understand why you had to walk through something until years later when you look back and realize:

God was preparing me the whole time.

I recently had an opportunity to choose something else, and I chose this.

And I truly believe God led me in that decision.

We have to stop making every decision based solely on money.

Money matters. Of course it does.

But fulfillment matters.

Purpose matters.

Peace matters.

Obedience matters.

There is something different about waking up and knowing that what you’re doing is connected to something bigger than a paycheck.

When God leads you, you may discover that what He gives you is more fulfilling than anything money could ever buy.

Looking at My Divorce Differently

I also look at my divorce differently today.

For years, I could have looked at it as the thing that destroyed the life I thought I was going to have.

But today, I can see how God used that season to reposition me, grow me, and prepare me for the woman I was becoming.

That doesn’t mean everything that happened was easy.

It doesn’t mean I would have chosen that path for myself.

But I have learned that God can take circumstances we never would have chosen and still use them to accomplish something meaningful in our lives.

What I thought was the end of one chapter became the beginning of another.

And perhaps one day, God will bring me a man who is walking the same path—someone who wants to make a difference, impact lives, and serve God with purpose.

But right now, I’m grateful for where I am.

I’m Grateful for the Seed

I’m grateful for the woman I was 20 years ago.

I’m grateful for the fire she had.

I’m grateful that she didn’t give up.

I’m grateful for every lesson.

I’m grateful for every closed door.

I’m grateful for every redirection.

And I’m especially grateful that the passion I once thought was unfinished was actually seed.

Today, I’m watching some of that seed grow.

When you see these photos of me working with my students, you’re not just seeing me doing my job.

You’re seeing a dream that started almost 20 years ago showing up in a completely different form.

You’re seeing the continuation of something I thought had ended.

You’re seeing evidence that God can take something you started in one season and use it in another.

And that’s why I want to remind you:

Never underestimate what God can do with a passion He placed inside of you years ago.

You may not understand the path while you’re walking it.

Keep walking.

Keep learning.

Keep serving.

Keep trusting.

God is Jehovah Jireh—He is your provider.

You may think you’re starting something that will never amount to anything.

You may think a dream has died.

You may think a door closing means the opportunity is over.

But sometimes, God is simply taking the seed you planted in one season and preparing it to bloom in another.

I couldn’t see it then.

I can see it now.

The seed was never wasted.

God was preparing me all along.

And honestly?

I couldn’t have written this story better myself.